It’s difficult to communicate effectively when you’re in active addiction. I was unsure of what I needed and my own boundaries, which meant that I couldn’t express them to anyone else. I was often passive aggressive in communication, or even at times just aggressive. Recovery has allowed me to practice communication skills, which has improved all my relationships.
Communicating effectively does take practice, and you can continue getting better at it throughout recovery. Group therapy and support groups are helpful because they allow you to learn this skill in a safe environment. The people you meet in these groups can become friends with whom you practice healthy communication.
Before you can communicate effectively, you need to learn about yourself. I’ve done this in many ways, such as going to therapy, reading and learning about the things I’m interested in, trying new hobbies, meditating, and putting effort into a variety of relationships. This helps me see who I am in different contexts and build self-awareness.
Often, healthy communication requires vulnerability, which can be challenging. Many of us in recovery saved hard conversations for when we were under the influence of drugs or alcohol in order to avoid vulnerability. This often ends poorly and reinforces fear of hard conversations.
But as Brené Brown, a research professor who has been studying vulnerability for decades, said, “I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability…My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.”
Another part of healthy communication is honesty. Secrets and active addiction often go hand in hand. It’s hard to be emotionally honest when you’re chronically using substances, but it can also feel practical to lie when it protects your addiction. Being honest can be scary, but it allows the people you’re communicating with to be forthright, too.
Healthy communication helps people know how to treat you, and vice versa. It deepens connections, and allows for a fuller experience of recovery.
If you are struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder, there is help and hope. TruHealing Centers offers high-quality treatment for addiction and mental health disorders in facilities across the country. Our staff—many of whom are in recovery themselves—will help you practice healthy communication and build a great life in recovery. To learn more, call an admissions specialist at 410-593-0005.