In our society, we tend to brush over nuances and keep up appearances. You may feel like your life was a mess in active addiction, and you should make up for it by being buttoned-up in sobriety. But recovery is a process of healing, and healing isn’t neat and tidy. There are ups and downs, strong emotions, and lots of things to learn. Part of the healing can be to embrace that messiness.
Recovery is Not Always Linear
First of all, 40-60% of people relapse within the first year, so it’s not always a straight line from active addiction, to quitting, to lifelong sobriety. Even if you don’t relapse, though, you are learning a whole new way of relating to the world. Especially in the first year, there are a lot of “firsts,” or having specific experiences sober for the first time. No one is going to be perfect at something the first time—or really ever.
I’ve written on this blog about how I see long-term recovery as practice at life. The more you go through each life thing sober, the more practice you get. But growth is never done. There’s a certain type of messiness that comes with being newly sober, and there’s a different type of messiness that can come from going deeper in your recovery. I’ll be six years sober in August; I’ve noticed that since I’ve been sober, any time that feels “messy” ends up being a period of immense growth.
Embracing “Messy” Emotions
Whatever stage you’re in, it might come with strong emotions. Part of recovery is learning to tolerate difficult emotions without drinking or using—but it doesn’t have to be just tolerating them. Accepting feelings as they are, and allowing them to be there, can be freeing.
Meditation helps with this; it teaches you not only to sit with discomfort, but to let your thoughts and feelings arise without judgement. Ironically, accepting the chaos of your emotions and thoughts can make you feel calmer, less “messy.”
In one guided meditation by Tara Brach (who I highly recommend!), she says, “Thoughts are not the enemy, and you do not need to clear your mind of thoughts. Rather, you are developing the capacity to recognize when thoughts are happening without getting lost in the story line.”[1]
It can be hard to strike a balance between embracing messiness and remembering that you aren’t inherently messy. But those are two different things. In recovery, you grow in profound ways; messiness is just part of that growth.
If you are struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder, there is help and hope. TruHealing Centers offers high-quality treatment for addiction and mental health disorders in facilities across the country. Our staff—many of whom are in recovery themselves—will help you begin the process of growth in recovery. Call an admissions specialist at 410-593-0005.
[1] https://www.tarabrach.com/meditation-vipassana-mindfulness/