What led you to the decision to get sober?
I got kicked out of my house—and I think I didn’t like drugs anymore. I don’t remember getting high or feeling good.
I had nothing else to do with my life, so that was at least a start. I don’t think I was ever actually an addict, but I don’t think I had any other sense of belonging.
What are some big changes you’ve noticed since you got sober?
The biggest one was the ability to think about the person I am as an adult and who I want to be. My use was certainly more than experimental—way more than experimental—but being sober has allowed me to think about what even got me to that point. It has helped me develop my sense of self, where I fit in the world, and what I want from life.
I also think the absence of anything other than me has allowed me to develop adult relationships—ones I choose that work for me—and probably deeper intimacy with people.
I know you said you don’t identify as having addiction—but are there things you do for sobriety, like therapy or meditation? If so, would you consider them part of a recovery program?
I have consistently been in therapy. I think it’s recovery from childhood trauma more than anything. My past use makes sense to me now.
Yeah, several people I’ve interviewed have said similar things—that the drugs or alcohol were the coping skill they knew at the time, but their recovery and healing is from trauma.
Yeah, 100%, and that still is a huge thing every day of my life. I also think it’s allowed me to help and connect with other people differently. With my experience and understanding of things, I get how someone could become addicted. I think that separating addiction from mental health is a big detriment; if you’re going to treat one, you have to treat the other.
I know you’ve been sober a long time, but has the pandemic affected your sobriety?
No, not negatively. If anything, it’s allowed me to see how common dependency on chemicals is in our society. Everybody can’t wait until it’s time to drink wine. It’s 9 o’clock in the morning, but it’s the pandemic; is it too early? I can’t imagine that ever being what I want to do—whether it’s 9 in the morning, 9 at night, or mid-afternoon. I struggle with physical things too, so why would I want to be hungover on top of it?
The amount of money that has been spent on alcohol during the pandemic—and the level of insanity that ensued when the bars were getting closed down—propels me in the opposite direction. There has to be more to life than that, so it pushes me to keep doing the things that I’m doing.
*Name has been changed