Relapse too often makes people feel ashamed, weak, or as though they are not cut out for sobriety. If you relapse, it’s important to feel whatever emotions arise—but it’s also crucial to understand that this is part of recovery. Addiction is a chronic, relapsing condition.
Get Curious About What Caused the Relapse
Not only is relapsing a part of many people’s recovery, it’s an experience that has a lot to teach us. When you’ve spent time in sobriety and then drank or used again, reentering recovery is not the same as when you first got sober. You’ve learned to pay attention. You know what it’s like to be sober, so you don’t experience the same level of uncertainty.
Instead of focusing on basic questions about sobriety—to which you already know the answer—you can dig deeper. You can use this experience to understand your triggers and plan other strategies for coping with them in the future.
You might work with a therapist or journal (or both) to uncover some of the reasons you went back to alcohol or drugs. What were the underlying feelings? What was happening in your life? Was there something you were afraid to face? How can you manage those feelings and fears in the future without using alcohol or drugs?
Understand What Wasn’t Working
In 2015, I got sober for what I hope to be the last time, but I had tried to do so once six years before. Many people in my life had told me I should. Two close friends got sober at that time, so I followed them into recovery, doing exactly what they did. Just over two months later, I was back to drinking and using drugs the same way I had before.
When I got sober in 2015, I approached it very differently. I thought about what might work for me and read a ton about recovery. I constantly revised (and still do) my program to fit where I was/am.
While sober support networks are crucial and still a big part of my recovery, I learned through the 2009 relapse that I can’t get sober on anyone else’s terms. This time I did it because I was ready (or at least as ready as I was ever going to be) and created a plan that worked for me. It’s been a much better experience.
Attempts to Moderate Substance Use are Also Lessons
Someone in an online sober group asked people to share what they learned from a relapse. A commenter said trying unsuccessfully to moderate his drinking time and time again taught him that he needed to quit entirely.
After that attempt to get sober in 2009, I also had many instances of trying to cut back or control my substance use. These weren’t official relapses, but they added to my understanding of what I needed to do. Any experience you have with attempts to cut back or quit can be informative.
Recommitting to Your Recovery Program
Relapse can motivate you to double down on healthy coping skills, or to seek more intensive support. It’s often said that relapse starts before you pick up any substances, when your thought patterns change and you feel your connection to recovery slipping. Relapse often reminds you of the reasons you quit in the first place, as things can get bad pretty quickly; that can inspire you to strengthen your recovery program.
Recovery can help you change your perspective on a lot of things, and relapse is one of them. Seeing it as something that can further your sobriety will help you avoid stewing in feelings of shame. Of course, this doesn’t mean relapsing on purpose in order to grow from it; but if you do relapse, it’s a reminder to come at the experience with curiosity and compassion.
If you are struggling with a substance use or mental health disorder, there is help. TruHealing Centers offers high-quality treatment for addiction and mental health disorders in facilities across the country. Our staff—many of whom are in recovery themselves—will work with you to create a relapse prevention plan and build healthy coping skills. Call an admissions specialist at 410-593-0005.